Victim to Society

at work today we almost had to search for a 71 year old man with a walker, because some lady lost him in the park yesterday.

who fucking waits till the next morning to look for a missing person?

the cops found him last night i guess and took him to city mission.

i am giving up hope on man kind.

plattsburgh is super neat.
theres art all over the campus, a courtyard with a pond with fish in it.
half the school is from vermont.
i made a friend and he loves les claypool.
the dorms and mass quantities of bugs suck.
the drive is so beautiful i almost killed jodi and i a bunch of times cause i got distracted.

i started work today and i got to drive a police car.


i am simply happy.

Everybody come to the coolest thing in town on a thursday night.(besides the square, if hootie and the blowfish arent playing)
Theres gonna be a FILM SCREENING at SQUEAKY WHEEL on ELMWOOD.
STARTS AT 7.
i even highlighted all the important stuff for you.
FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE.
expect some good old fashioned low budget films about pirates, suburban fluffy pink bunny hunters, toxic neighborhoods, bikes, and ugly sweaters. and left over junk food. and fruit.

so come hang out, meet some people, have some fun, and eat stuff.

plattsburgh it is bitches.

theres a new reality show where they tape men from the army re-uniting with their families after X amount of years. awkward.








i leave for poland july 10th. who wants a post card?

fuck being sad about everything.

SEMI AUTOMATIC DANCE PARTY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

everyone dance!

im alone.
my best friend wants nothing to do with me anymore.

the cops are looking for me.
and someone is watching me.

how was your day?

the quote on the sign at the church my mom takes me to says:
to go to heaven
turn right, and keep straight.

so things are crazy right now. and im terribly calm. and i dont get it. but i must say, i like it.

my family is fighting over ridiculous reasons such as why was dad fixing grandmas water tank, because it gave her the oppertunity to try to crawl. she just had foot surgery and is not supposed to use her foot at all for at least a month. so people have to be there all the itme to make sure shes not walking on it. if we leave her along she will try to get up to do laundry or make pierogi.
i am convinced my parents are hiding important information from plattsburgh to keep me from going there.
this rock quarry video thing is crazy. i like it, but its a lot more work than i expected. but hey, i wazs in the news this past sunday! page b8. woo hoo.
i miss my boyfriend and i love him to death, but he is scaring me off as well as putting a lot of pressure on me for things i shouldnt have to worry about. like a guilt trip to get me to go to plattsburgh to be near him, putting boundaries on some of my friendships. and blaming me for his drinking. and it worries me. he shouldnt be this dependent on me.
and i totally love him, i sacrifice a lot for him, and love to see him happy, but i worry that im falling for someone else. i was attracted to this person long before brian and i started dating, and recently have had to put boundaries down on our friendship to make brian happy. then i realized how much i missed this person, and it makes me sad, and contemplative about brian and i. i dont know what to do.
then theres my job. they are cutting my hours hardcore and i cant afford a car. im going to start riding my bike to school and work and stuff, but i still need mor ehours. my past 3 paychecks have only been $30.
and of course my health.
ive been to 4 doctors in the past 6 days. a cyst exploded inside of me yesterday morning, i was kealing over in pain, and my dad still made me come to school. its not too bad, but whenever i walk the halls or sit during class i get sporatic shooting pains. i tested negative for appendicitis which is good.
the whole thing is just wearing me out. i am constantly exhausted now, almost always in pain, and scared to do things liuke jump and run.
im going to the doctor again on monday to be tested for ovarian cancer, and need to get bloodwork done to check out a possibility of diabetes. im 17, im not suposed ot be able to get sick. im supposed to be invincible.
all my friends are becoming alcoholics and it scares me. fridcay night i went to a friends house and she was drinking in front of her family. then i brought her to my house where she was noticibly drunk in front of my mom. i understand social drinking, its not my bag, but i dont think its a terrible thing. but a lot of my firends drink nightly or alone and so on. it worries the hell out of me. i even asked my best friend to just not tell me when she has driven drunk becuase she wont listen to my concern and i dont want to be worried anymore.
i miss my sister.
and another firend has a coke problem.
end.

sorry, i just needed to sort all of this out.

my dads band is practicing in the basement.
the end.

theres a creepy envelope on the computer desk with a stamp that says CONFIDENTIAL on it.

i really wanna open it.

the past 2 days have been spiting me. a lot.
now i understand that my grandfathers upbringing was different from mine, and at that time a woman's place was in the kitchen, so when he gives me his dirty dishes at the dinner table i have no problem taking them to the kitchen. but when my dad does it. no. hes just been a complete jerk to me the past few days and i have no idea why. if he communicated with any of us it would make things easier.
i wont even start on waking up at 4 a.m. to watch the pope's funeral.

then theres brian. i love him to death, but hes testing my independece and saying some very scary things to me. i dont know what i want to do, its like having to choose between him and my best friend almost.

and thank you mighty taco for giving me terrible food that made me puke for hours and hours last night. and give me the worst headache i have ever had, i wanted to go to the hospital, but no one would take me. so now it feels like i've been punched in the stomach from puking so much. it sucked i had to eat things just so i wouldnt puke up bile. yeah, i know you wanted to know that one.

mandi and i somehow managed to break one of the cameras from school, but we have no idea how. we're gonna split the cost of fixing it, but mandi doesnt have a job right now so im probably gonna have to pay for it and have her pay me back when she has the cash. i dont even think i have the cash to fix it, i still owe my dad $200 and they keep cutting my hours at work.i just want june 27th to come when i start with the ccc. 35 hours a week, $8.10 an hour. damn straight.

i have one day to decide for sure where im going to college and im still stuck right on the middle.

le sigh.

everyone is dieing, i honestly think the catholic church is spiting me.
the pope died, the bishop that confirmed me died, my religion teacher died, the lady that used to drive me to religion died.

so i found out they brought back the asshole supervisor at work, and with my luck i bet i'll get stuck with him. if thats the case though i'll try to have fun with it. everyone is asking me for a job there now.

i miss ed.

i got lots of fun free music today. and i wrote a 3 page paper on the goose holocaust. and i found out i was scheduled to work today though im pretty sure i took today off. i figure i can start slacking off there so they fire me when i start my summer job

morals ruin everything.

i got the job.
time to dance.

my trip to purchase was interesting. i have this thing against brocks now though. we stopped off in woodstock on the way, i never knew it was in the catskills, I was a big fan.

so i just find out in a matter of 20 mintues this morning that
johhny cochrane died, terry schaivo died, mitch hedberg died, and some guy hung himself from the I90 overpass near my house at 2 in the afternoon on easter. thats fucking crazy, can you imagine driving under that when it happened, on your way to easter mass or something? fucking oh man. and im really bummed about mitch hedberg.

i had an interview for the conservation corps. this morning, i think i got a youth leader position. yeah for good reccomendations.

there are 5000000 tons of chocolate in my house right now.


im done.

peace out mitch hedberg.

today has been one giant terrible day.

you know that feeling you would get in your ears when you were a kid, on an airplane when ti was landing. that my head is going to explode from the ears feeling? yeah, try having that from this morning until easter. i think im going deaf.

super spanish chupacabra martian invasion 2005.

all i need to say is eeeeeeeew. rachel microbes.

So Mandi and I started filming for the landfill project today. And man, craziness. We decided to walk along toxic cayuga creek and sneak into the landfill from the back. I assumed I knew where all the rocks we could walk on were. So we were walkin along juuust fine when all of a sudden my foot went right through some ice and into the freeeeeeeeeezing water. No biggie, until I step a little bit firther and im up to my thighs in terribly cold water. So im freaking out because eer since i was a kid i've been afraid of falling through ice and freezing to death right on the spot. So When I finally get onto standable ground we decided to hurry back to my car and get me home and into dry clothes before I ended up with hypothermia or somthing terrible. So we get back to my car and realize i didnt have my keys. We traced my steps all the way and couldnt fid them. This meant one thing... they were lost in the icy abyss i was just swimming in. Wonderful, we were a half hour walk from my house and my toews were already tingly. I managed to fish them out easily, they were kind of suspended in this gross slushiness. So we go back to my car and I just happened to have a change of shoes in my car. That being done I decided we should go check out the daycare by the rock quarry and film some stuff from inside the car real quick. Half way there we ended up having to roll the windows down cause I smelled so bad from the polluted creekness. Then on the way home my toes started to tingle and it was kind of hard to drive. I get home and im taking a shower to i dont die from radioactive water poisoning, and I noticed a cut on my arm that stung a lot. So if I get sick from hazerdous waste in my blood I get to sue the town! Now I have the chills and I think Im gonna get sick.

highlight of my day.
somtimes im just awesome.


p.s.- i got brass green chucks!

To anyone from WNY willing to help...

Im making a documentary on the area I live in (Bellvue). It's kind of a mini-love canal. There are 3 landfills along cayuga creek as well as a rock quarry. Radioactive materials have been dumped at the landfill sights in the past. Then, again, in 1998 the Army Corps. of Engineers dumped 6 tons of waste in the Schultz landfill and did not notify the DEC about it until 2000. Concers were raised in the community and questions were asked. The ACOE never finalized on whether or not radioactive waste was dumped. The issue has been silent since. This past summer many people in the community began complaining to twn officials about an odor caused by the landfill. It was so strong that people living down the street from the landfill could not open teir windows in the summer because it made their furniture smell. The DEC came in and did an investigation. The smell was caused by a vent leaking large amount of Hydrogen Sulfide. When the invesigation was conducted te gas meters literally read off the scale. Hydrogen Sulfide is a harmful gas that causes dizzy spells, asthma, fatigue, and migraines, high exposure can even cause death. Members of the community have had waste from the landfill wash up into their backyards from the creek. So far nothing has been done to the landfill and that needs to be changed. The rock quarry is one of the busiest in new york. Every day the powerful blasts in the quarry send dust up through the neighborhood. This is known to case lupus, cancer, and respiratory problems. Each of the effects from both the landfill and rock quarry are evident in the health of the people of this community.
I want to make a short documentary about the situation including interviews with anyone willing. I want to survey the area as well as a neighborhood similar to this one in size and population. I want to compare their health to ours.
Anyone willing to help me on this is seriously awesome and I will give you the biggest hug ever.
Thanks, and drop me a line if you're interested.

xoxox.
rachel.